It Only Takes a Spark

I have recently begun to deal with the fact that my mother's life on this earth is coming to an end.  Knowing that the passing of my mother is immanent is hard enough, but the understanding that it is probably sooner than later has caused my heart to begin to ache for her inevitable passing.

It is very normal to enter into mourning prior to the passing of a relative with Alzheimer's.  As one begins to watch the very essence of who they are slowly begin to fade and a child begin to appear with their name. As the child of an Alzheimer's patient I have organically switched roles with my nurturing mother by becoming her caretaker. I am no longer the one that she provides for, but the one providing her with some of the comfort foods she desires... root-beer Floats and her favorite gum along with bringing her the latest fashions for nursing home residents.

The fact that we have switched roles as mother and daughter became even clearer this last week at my Christmas visit with mom. Mom couldn't remember my name and asked if I was her mother. Up until the last month or so, mom has continued to remember my husband and my names. She may not always understand who I am, but she usually knows my name.  Hearing mom ask me if I was her mother caused my heart to lurch as the weight of this question began to sink in. I have lost my mother here on earth before she has passed away.

Having to explain to your own mother, the one that gave birth to you, bandaged your knee, and kissed you goodnight, that she is in fact the mother, and you are the child is gut wrenching painful. Visiting her week after week, not knowing if she will remember my name, if she will be kind and welcoming or angry and belligerent is a difficult undertaking. There are many weeks where I simply wanted to stay home and not have to endure the pain, but I knew that it was important for her to have a connection with the outside world, to be touched, to be read to, to be loved.  For all of the years that she endured, suffered, sacrificed and felt pain for my sake, I had to honor my mother.

I have been very blessed with a Godly husband who has gone weekly with me, even when he didn't want to, because of his love for me and a desire to honor me and his mother-in-law. It has eased the pain to have him by my side during the sad times as I left in tears as well as laughing with me as we shared stories of her silliness and comical comments.

As I walk through this pain and this mourning, I have realized that not only am I losing my mother, but my family is losing a part of our legacy. I have determined in my heart that the legacy of Faith that was rooted in my parents marriage and relationship must be passed to the next generation.  The family connection that my parents were the essence of, will pass soon.  But it cannot die with them, it must be passed onto those that shared the Faith with them.  This is more than a family legacy, but a spiritual legacy that started in the upper room with Jesus and his disciples.  If we are not willing to take that torch and carry it forward, then the Faith that has touched so many will die with her.

I am reminded of the song " It only takes a spark" .  This passing of the legacy could seem somewhat overwhelming, but the Lord has spoken clearly to me that it only takes a spark, a spark  that was ignited in my parents, and must continue through our touching those that are around us, that the fire will continue to grow and spread for all eternity.